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  • Ryanne Harper

Twin Peaks Tuesday: Episode 9

After a week hiatus, Twin Peaks is back. I guess everyone needed a brain cleanse after episode 8.

This episode jumps around quite a lot; bouncing between Gross Cooper, Gordon, Diane, and Albert in South Dakota, Cooper/Dougie in Vegas, and Twin Peaks.

Gross Cooper:

The episode opens with him walking up a road, covered in blood. Last time we saw him, he'd been shot and ghost people were getting Bob out of his chest so it makes sense. He meets up with a man and woman who help him get cleaned up. He gets a new phone and does two things: he sends a text and makes a threatening phone call. The text, turns out, is to Diane. What?!?! And the phone call is to a man in Vegas regarding Cooper/Dougie. Gross Cooper wants him dead.

After handling his phone business, he tells the man and woman he needs the warden from Yankton killed and then he needs a couple of people in Vegas killed. Probably Cooper/Dougie and his wife.

Gross Cooper is, well, gross and I can't wait for him to be gone.

South Dakota:

Gordon, Tammy, Diane, and Albert are headed back to Philly when Gordon gets a call from the Pentagon regarding Major Briggs. Gordon decides they should investigate and asks, purely out of politeness, if Diane is cool with going, explaining it's a blue rose case involving someone Agent Cooper knew. Diane's like, "Sure, but Imma need several more airplane bottles of booze." As we all know from Fire Walk With Me, blue rose cases involve supernatural elements. Gordon gets another call informing him "Cooper has flown the coop".

Once they land in South Dakota, they inspect the body of Major Briggs. Diane doesn't care, so she stays in the lobby. Here she is, not caring at all:

The body is that of a man in his forties, yet he should be in his early seventies. So, he's not aged in the last twenty-five years. Everyone is somewhat confused so they decide to interview William Hastings, the man who was arrested for killing the librarian. The librarian whose head was found with the Major's body.

William Hastings and the now dead librarian maintained a blog about an alternate reality. Agent Tammy questions him about his obsession with the supernatural and his claims of meeting the Major.

According to William, he and the librarian visited the dimension; the Major wanted a couple of coordinates. When they returned with the information, several people showed up and killed the librarian; meanwhile, the Major took the coordinates, floated upward, said Cooper's name, and his head disappeared. After telling his story, Agent Tammy shows William several pictures; he accurately identifies Major Briggs.

I'd like to give Matthew Lillard some credit for a superb ugly cry. It's so snotty.

Las Vegas:

Cooper/Dougie and his wife are at the station; the police are talking to his boss about whether or not someone would want to kill Dougie. Boss is vouching for him; saying he has no idea why anyone would want to hurt him, he's such a nice guy and a great employee. Oh, he also mentions Dougie was in a car accident, causing him occasional problems. This makes sense, I've been wondering why no one seemed to be concerned by his behavior.

After his boss leaves, one of the officers reveals Dougie has no paper trail prior to 1997; no SSN, Driver's License, taxes, nothing. They assume he's in the witness protection program, which is way more plausible than him being from an alternate reality where everything is scary. To find out for sure, they take his coffee cup and send it to be tested for DNA.

Another officer tells them he knows where the would-be assassin is, so they leave to, hopefully, arrest him. Cooper, still in the waiting area, has a weird moment with an American flag, some red high heels, and an electrical outlet.

Twin Peaks:

Andy and Lucy are fighting over chair colors. As terrible as it was to watch, it's still better than anything that happened in "Gotta Light?" While Andy is doing that, Deputies Hawk and Briggs and the Sheriff head to Mrs. Briggs' house. The officers question her about Agent Cooper's visit with the Major the day before he died. Right after Cooper left, Garland told his wife about this day, twenty-five years later. He told her, "When they come to ask about Agent Cooper, give them this." She opens a hidden compartment in a chair and hands them what looks like a metal tube.

Bobby knows how to open the metal tube - apparently throwing it awkwardly on the ground does the trick. It makes a weird buzzing noise and inside is a map to Jack Rabbit's Palace, along with dates and a time, and a small copy of the printout Major Briggs showed Agent Cooper back in the day with Cooper's name on it. Twice. Two Coopers. Bobby is the only person who knows where Jack Rabbit's Palace is because it was a special place he and his father would go when he was little. I don't want to jinx it, but this story is actually starting to make a little sense.

Meanwhile, at the Great Northern, Ben Horne and his secretary, Beverly, still hear a buzzing noise. I still hope it's Josie trying to get out of that table. Ben and Bev have a moment, but he shuts it down. I was surprised; young Ben would have been all about that.

It appears we're back to our normal structure. The episode ends at the bar with two drug addicts, one with a gnarly rash, discussing the unfairness of being fired for coming in high a couple of times while listening to a band that, though good, doesn't seem to fit the venue.

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