Twin Peaks: Episode 16
Guess who's back? YASSSSS! Finally. We'll get to that later.
So, the episode opens with Gross Cooper and Richard Horne driving down a creepy highway. A lost highway? Maybe. Father and son taking a road trip or just two terrible people? Perhaps we'll find out.
Gross Cooper has some coordinates and I think we're about to find out where he's being sent. Being the type of guy he is, he sends Richard to check it out. While this is happening, Jerry, looking more Garcia than Horne, finally makes it out of the woods. He sees Gross Cooper and Richard. As he's about to call out for help, he becomes confused by his binoculars. Thank goodness. Because Gross Cooper would have straight up murdered him.
When Richard gets to the exact spot, he appears to be electrocuted and disappears. Normally, I would care that Gross Cooper used someone like that but, seeing as it's Richard, I don't care because he's terrible. Once Richard is gone, Gross Coopers says, "Goodbye, my son", confirming the fan theory. Meanwhile, Jerry, who saw the whole thing, is going bananas. Somehow, Gross Cooper didn't see or hear him so he's safe for now.
The assassins are staking out the Jones' house. Man, they eat an insane amount of Cheetos. While they're waiting, the local FBI pulls up. Turns out, no one is home because Dougie is in the hospital. Remember? He stuck a fork in an electrical outlet and now he's in a coma.
His family and boss are hanging out with him when the Mitchum brothers show up with food and say they plan on going by the house as well to stock it. So, the gangsters, the assassins, and the Agents on surveillance are going to converge at the Jones house. The Mitchums, true to their word, are unloading a box truck full of supplies at the Jones home. The assassins are confused and, more importantly, out of Cheetos. The lady assassin is pretty cranky about so, when a guy who is just trying to get in his driveway approaches their van, she smarts off and they get into an altercation. The police, despite all the gun fire, don't bother responding at all. The FBI agents only react once both assassins are dead. Cool.
Back in Dougie's hospital room, his boss hears a noise that sounds a lot like the noise Ben and Bev heard in The Great Northern. Dougie hears it too, his eyes pop open, he sees a vision of Mike from the Black Lodge. REAL COOPER IS BACK. FINALLY. Mike tells him the other doppelganger, Gross Cooper, is still out, gives Coop his ring and a seed. Cooper gives Mike some of his hair and tells him to make another one. I'm not sure what that means, but maybe another Cooper doppelganger?
As to not upset the family, he's still acting like Dougie; but he's being way more assertive. Like the real Dale Cooper we all know and love. He has asked the Mitchums to fly him to Spokane. Cue Twin Peaks theme. It's amazing. The real Dale Cooper is back and he's headed to Twin Peaks. I'm so happy right now.
Cooper tells Dougie's family he has to go away, but he tries to be really sweet about it. Because Cooper. Janie FINALLY catches on that he's not the real Dougie. FINALLY. I hope there's a way to get Dougie out of the lodge unharmed.
Cooper, riding in the Mitchums' limo, appears to have told them everything; they seem to be taking it in stride despite it being an insane story.
Diane gets a "ALL" text from Gross Cooper. She seems nervous about this whole situation, which isn't very Diane-like at all. She replies with a set of numbers, I assume coordinates. Diane goes to Gordon's room to tell he and Albert about the last time she saw Cooper. A few years after his disappearance, he shows up at her home. Relieved to see him, she hugs him and the two catch up. He asked a lot of FBI related questions, which isn't that odd; it's what the real Cooper would do. Then he kissed her. They had kissed once before and something about this felt off. She was immediately afraid of him. Noticing her fear, he smiles and proceeds to rape her. After, he took her to the old gas station. She admits she's been corresponding with him, Gross Cooper. Diane breaks down crying, says "I'm a Sheriff's station" and "I'm not me", pulls a gun out of her purse, but Albert and Tammy are faster, they shoot her, but her body disappears. Much like the woman in the Blue Rose case Albert told Tammy about.
Diane is in the Black Lodge. Apparently, she's been manufactured by Mike and not happy about it. Her face cracks open and a seed comes out. Her body disappears. WHAT?!?!?! Who knows?
Audrey and her husband have finally stopped arguing about the Roadhouse and actually shown up. They have a drink; he toasts to them, she toast to Billy. Sick burn, Audrey.
The announcer says "Audrey's dance", the floor clears, and Audrey looks a bit put on the spot. I hope she does her signature dance. Yep. She does. Cue Audrey's theme. I dance a bit like Audrey Horne. That's to say, not well. It's a combination of Audrey and one of those blow up guys often found on car lots. Anyway, Audrey is interrupted when a scuffle breaks out, she runs to husband and says, "get me out"; suddenly, she's in an all white room staring in a mirror.
Back at the Roadhouse, they're still playing her song.